Living with Life....

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Over the years I have grown to have a robust love for all the little things life has to offer .... even when it's not the best of circumstances.  I'm sure everyone who has children can remember a time when one of your kids said or did something that you cringed at and then sort of smiled about it later.  I believe in that saying ".....if nothing bad ever happened how would you know what good was."  So embrace the good the bad and the ugly ..... in life.

Example:
I was married first when I was 20 and had my three oldest sons.  If you had asked me when I was getting divorced if I could find anything "okay" about my boys going through their parents divorcing I would have told you "No Way".

Well after watching them grow up with their step-dad since they were 3, 5 and 7 ..... There are so many great and wonderful things that I cannot count them.  Do I feel bad that their biological father gradually became the "absentee" dad .... sure ....  but after seeing what he has let his life become over the years, it was best for the boys.  I truly believe they've become more well rounded thoughtful young adults .

My husband Mark and I have have manuvered through our lives together  helping our children (now 4 of them) to understand why people act like they do.  We've told them that just because people who love you act badly toward you .... it doesn't mean that person doesn't love you.  We've taught them you love unconditionally .... and loving someone doesn't always make what that person is doing right or okay, but you still love them anyway.  Another great saying .... "we are not our actions"  and .... "hate the sin love the sinner" ...... anyway ... you get the picture.  They are getting a real life perspective instead of just hypotheticals ... which sometimes are difficult to really absorb.

In conclusion ..... smile .... sounds so serious doesn't it .... Would I have ever wanted to have gone through a divorce? ..... never .... did it end up being an incredibly good thing for them .... and our whole family .... for sure.  Even my husband, I know, has gained from having this love for these 3 little boys brought into his life.   When they've gotten in trouble for various things ... he has told them ....I'm not going to try act like your father because I know you have one.  But I am telling you that I love you and I care what happens to you "BECAUSE I WANT TO ..... not because I have to.  Giving of love freely ... not out of obligation ..... smile .... refreshing.....

I used to get upset at my husband when I'd talk to him about adopting the boys ... he told me that it tells the boys alot more that he chooses to take care of them  instead of being told he has to because of a piece o paper.  Obviously, a piece of paper doesn't hold alot of weight (for example: divorce papers saying you have 3 children to help support emotionally and financially).  It hasn't worked on my ex-husband and more so THEIR FATHER....

Sorry to go off on a soap box .... as you know being a mommy has alot of heart break and that's why we fight so hard for whats best for our kids even when they don't "get it" or get "annoyed" by our actions.  But as passionately as we fight for them and with them ..... we love them EVEN More!....

Because .... WE ARE MOMMY! :::: said with a triumpahnt wave of the arm and a hurrah:::

thanks for listening to my ramblings .....
joie