Hello World! I am back ... I feel as if these last few years I had been swept up by the Starship Enterprise..... Because I have boldly gone where no man or mother have gone before.... Ok I'll admit that most families have crazy times and there are trials and tribulations they go through. I have to tell you, however, our family's cup RUNNETH OVER... At this point I feel as its out of the cup across the counter down the cabinets and I am standing it three feet of water (🤔 Make that jello) Because treading through jello takes mountain of energy and one must make the commitment to swim through it to get to the other side.
Well I won't delve into all the details tonight but over the next few weeks I am going to try and give a brief synopsis of the last 3-4 years.... Who knows I may break the Internet with all the craziness that has transpired... You laugh now but just you wait. We are going to have fun catching up I promise.
Ooooh, You ask why do I find myself back here after all this time. Well I have not elaborated of the fact that I have Major Depressive Disorder... Along with a couple of other diagnoses thrown in for good measure. So I found myself on Facebook... A lot... And then I created a Page... And it's basically all posts of pretty or insightful and also some quite funny ... Memes... You know those cute little pictures with witty and inspiring words on them.... Well it's going a couple of months now and I thought to myself the other day ... I really enjoy scouring all over the Internet for just the right words put together along with a somewhat ascetically pleasing structure... Yes digressing and I are still old friends... Well basically I thought that if I was trying to express feelings then maybe I should use my own words instead...
I've written a ton of poetry but it tends to draw out the "dark" (that's my affectionate name for my depression) in me ... So instead of being a healthy outlet it would start to make me obsess of the ugly and sad things. Sooooooo ... I remembered I had this blog that I'd abandoned for so long .... So please forgive my neglect. But I am back and I'm hoping that the funny joyful Joie will crawl out from her cave she's cloaked herself under for so long.
Wish me luck and I'll see you soon ... With a cup of coffee and a story to tell.
Love and kisses ... And yes it's 3am ... And I must lonely 🎶🎶🎶 ... Couldn't help myself ... I love that song by Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20 ... Look them up ... And good night (or good morning might fit better) ... 🎶🎶🎶 Off to never never land💤💤💤 (yes Metallica citation) 😉
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
Friday, June 22, 2012
So I havent written in forever. If I were to try and tell you everything thats gone on in the past year we would all be here a very long time. So let's just say that raising 4 sons is much more "energy absorbing" that I would have ever imagined.
I truly believed as they all got older that for the most part things would begin to fall into place. However, I find myself in this strange world of worry and frustration with an occasional "driveby" of brilliance and and relief. I find myself wanting to chase after that "driveby car full of brilliance" thinking to myself that surely my sweet inquisitive children have been taken hostage by the person driving that car.
Anyway.... All I can say is that I want SO much for my sons ... and I know that I am not doing them any favors by continuing to do things for them. So I sit and watch them stumble and it tears at my insides so badly that sometimes I lash out at them (and alot of times rightly so) when I really just need to let them figure it out on their own. I'm coming to realize that when you mess up ... you are really hoping that no one is looking or if they are looking they dont rub your nose in the "mess you've made".
So I will sit here .... Hoping that they might actually come ask for help if they need it. But children (quasi-young adults) arent very good at asking for help .... :::sigh:::
see you in a year .... or maybe sooner ....
I truly believed as they all got older that for the most part things would begin to fall into place. However, I find myself in this strange world of worry and frustration with an occasional "driveby" of brilliance and and relief. I find myself wanting to chase after that "driveby car full of brilliance" thinking to myself that surely my sweet inquisitive children have been taken hostage by the person driving that car.
Anyway.... All I can say is that I want SO much for my sons ... and I know that I am not doing them any favors by continuing to do things for them. So I sit and watch them stumble and it tears at my insides so badly that sometimes I lash out at them (and alot of times rightly so) when I really just need to let them figure it out on their own. I'm coming to realize that when you mess up ... you are really hoping that no one is looking or if they are looking they dont rub your nose in the "mess you've made".
So I will sit here .... Hoping that they might actually come ask for help if they need it. But children (quasi-young adults) arent very good at asking for help .... :::sigh:::
see you in a year .... or maybe sooner ....
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Can you take "too good of care" of your kids ...
I've been thinking alot lately about the fact my sons are all growing up ......
Some of the things you teach your children are by "doing" actually most things are. One would think by doing things for your children that you are showing them how to behave as an adult.
Things like helping when you see they might need it ... even if they don't ask ...... making their favorite meal if they are sick or sad ..... "sliding them money" for something special they want .... Smiling .... being happy to see them ..... telling them they are good at something ..... encouraging to "go for their dreams" .....
and by doing those things you would think they would do the same things for others ..... hmmmm
Most days I think that they take me for granted ... like "she's mom ... she is supposed to do all those things for us"
Have I made my job look so easy that they don't every think that I or their father ever need anything? Because if I ask for them to start doing some of their own things or to help more with the house we ALL live in .... it seems an inconvenience. Sort of like "that's your job ... not mine"
Granted they are nice on Mother's day or my birthday or Christmas ... I'd rather they not be thoughtful on those three days if they aren't going to be the other 362 days a year.
I just think I've done tooooo much and they don't understand it's time to pick up and be responsible for their selves a bit more ...... god knows they want to make every other decision on their own and want you to "but out" and let them be "grown" .....
So .... I am very frustrated sitting here writing this .... feeling guilty for wanting to stop doing things for them and angry at the same time for keeping on doing them when they seem to EXPECT that I do it ..... or they say they will do it and never do .....
That's what I'm pondering .....
~joie
Some of the things you teach your children are by "doing" actually most things are. One would think by doing things for your children that you are showing them how to behave as an adult.
Things like helping when you see they might need it ... even if they don't ask ...... making their favorite meal if they are sick or sad ..... "sliding them money" for something special they want .... Smiling .... being happy to see them ..... telling them they are good at something ..... encouraging to "go for their dreams" .....
and by doing those things you would think they would do the same things for others ..... hmmmm
Most days I think that they take me for granted ... like "she's mom ... she is supposed to do all those things for us"
Have I made my job look so easy that they don't every think that I or their father ever need anything? Because if I ask for them to start doing some of their own things or to help more with the house we ALL live in .... it seems an inconvenience. Sort of like "that's your job ... not mine"
Granted they are nice on Mother's day or my birthday or Christmas ... I'd rather they not be thoughtful on those three days if they aren't going to be the other 362 days a year.
I just think I've done tooooo much and they don't understand it's time to pick up and be responsible for their selves a bit more ...... god knows they want to make every other decision on their own and want you to "but out" and let them be "grown" .....
So .... I am very frustrated sitting here writing this .... feeling guilty for wanting to stop doing things for them and angry at the same time for keeping on doing them when they seem to EXPECT that I do it ..... or they say they will do it and never do .....
That's what I'm pondering .....
~joie
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Rant .....
Everyday I start out with thoughts and ideas about what today will be about. And I move along through the day with a basic idea of what needs to be done ...... mostly I get the things done I need to. I feel a general sense of having accomplished a few goals ..... and I'm always thinking of ways that things might run smoother .... or get more done...... you know hopes ideas dream ..... things that you can act on to make happen ...... but it seems like children don't want to make those dreams come true .... if it involves a little HARD work .....that is ....
Lately I've been having a really hard time tryng to manage 4 individual personalities .... my sons. If I look at their unique personalities I think what great, funny, cool kids they are and how lucky I am that they are healthy and happy.... other than the usual teenage angst. But when I watch their total disconnect for the world around them and their lack of respect for so many things that are supremely important in helping them become successful adults, I ask myself "what have I not done or neglected to do that allows them to not care?"
I'm not trying to say that my children are somehow "incapable" of understand what they need to do to be successful. They just don't seem to put forth the effort it takes to be their best .... or even almost their best. They say "school is gay" (I hate the phrase), the teachers are stupid, why do I have to learn this anyway ...... you get the picture ....
Why do most kids have this feeling about school???? You know if a small child is interested in something they are almost obsessive about it to the point they drive you crazy. So what is it that doesn't allow them that feeling for atleast some parts of school ..... and if it is there I never hear it from them. It's only the negative part I hear.
I truly feel like I am banging my head against a wall .... and I'll go so far as to say that they are there watching me do it and it doesn't seem to bother them in the least that their mother is so overcome with anxiety and worry for their future. I guess they have taken on the "parents are idiots they don't understand" .... but all the while they want you to ablige their every whim ...... "mom can you take me here .... can I have blah blah" ....... you know what I mean.
Anyway .... this is a rant with no real ending .... I know .... I just had to put it out there in the land of the "world wide web' ..... knowing that someone will read it and that maybe they know exactly how i feel .... because we all hope that someone can understand how we feel .... so we don't feel so alone in our chaos ....
Sorry it's been so long .... thanks for still being there when I needed you .... smile
Lately I've been having a really hard time tryng to manage 4 individual personalities .... my sons. If I look at their unique personalities I think what great, funny, cool kids they are and how lucky I am that they are healthy and happy.... other than the usual teenage angst. But when I watch their total disconnect for the world around them and their lack of respect for so many things that are supremely important in helping them become successful adults, I ask myself "what have I not done or neglected to do that allows them to not care?"
I'm not trying to say that my children are somehow "incapable" of understand what they need to do to be successful. They just don't seem to put forth the effort it takes to be their best .... or even almost their best. They say "school is gay" (I hate the phrase), the teachers are stupid, why do I have to learn this anyway ...... you get the picture ....
Why do most kids have this feeling about school???? You know if a small child is interested in something they are almost obsessive about it to the point they drive you crazy. So what is it that doesn't allow them that feeling for atleast some parts of school ..... and if it is there I never hear it from them. It's only the negative part I hear.
I truly feel like I am banging my head against a wall .... and I'll go so far as to say that they are there watching me do it and it doesn't seem to bother them in the least that their mother is so overcome with anxiety and worry for their future. I guess they have taken on the "parents are idiots they don't understand" .... but all the while they want you to ablige their every whim ...... "mom can you take me here .... can I have blah blah" ....... you know what I mean.
Anyway .... this is a rant with no real ending .... I know .... I just had to put it out there in the land of the "world wide web' ..... knowing that someone will read it and that maybe they know exactly how i feel .... because we all hope that someone can understand how we feel .... so we don't feel so alone in our chaos ....
Sorry it's been so long .... thanks for still being there when I needed you .... smile
Monday, November 9, 2009
A Bit of Poetry .....
Between Trust and Love
Stupidity Stupidity ..... Stupidity and me ....
I'm drowning in a sea
A sea of deceit
An ocean of lies and each day that passes
I'm dying inside
As I listen to words that pass over lips
Wanting to believe it's all true ....
........ then he slips ........
Do people ever change?
Do they say what they mean?
Why not tell the truth?
Why keep hidden ..... if not seen?
Giving of heart of trust and of love
Praying .... don't let it happen again
Taking that chance to let a heart mend
Once again torn apart .....
Torn apart in the end.
Stupidity stupidity ...... Stupidity and ME.
Stupidity .... stupidity .... Stupidity set me Free.
~joie
So I'm back .... Let's catch up ....
Well it has been an eventful last month .... I have been to my sister-in-law's wedding in GA .... and then to Las Vegas with my wonderful husband. I then came home and got some sort of "flu-ish" sickness.
First off ... going back to GA and getting to see some of my old friends family and neighbors was great. It really made me wish we lived closer. Our family (all 6 of us) went down for the wedding a day early so the boys could see their old friends and they ended up spending the night at my very dear friends house. I really miss getting to just sit and talk with her over a cup of coffee. We also went to our old neighborhood and got to see my Beth (my neighbor across the street). Sitting in her living room was just like I had never left. You know you have true friends when no matter how long it is in between visits it feels like you never left.
Anyway ... on to the wedding .... I don't really have any real pictures to share right now because our entire family (yes all 6) were in the wedding party .... But she had a beautiful location up in the North Georgia mountains at a place called Sutton Mill ..... so pretty .... even though there was light rain and her wedding was supposed to be outside ... we ended up under a pavilion ... so we still got the outside feeling ..... so now she's married ....smile
Then ... we got home on Sunday and my husband and I turned around and left Wednesday and went to VEGAS BABY!! Awesome .... from start to finish .... well ... there was one little thing .... my son Tulsa (16) .... the day after we left had his wallet, I-phone and car keys stolen at school ... so we had to coordinate ... quite successfully I might add .... between the school the police and my mother-in-law (who was watching the children for us) ..... to find his things .... since it was wallet and keys the person know had our address and the keys to the car and could take it at any time ... seems far fetched ... not really ..... anyway .... we had just about 3 weeks before subscribed to the Mobile Me service from Apple. It can locate the phone through GPS and even wipe all info off the phone and Lock it so the person can't use it. AWESOME!!!!! is all I have o say ...... the police officer was actually able to go on line ... (since we were in Las Vegas) and find the house and arrest the kid and got Tulsa's stuff back ... all that was gone was about $20 cash. I highly recommend this service!!!!!
ANway .... I also had the excitement of hitting on the Deal or No Deal slot machine for $1535 ... I didn't even realize I had won that much ... I thought it was $307 but it was 307 credits .... and just on a whim .... since it was out last night there .... I decided to play the $5 Deal or No Deal slot that I walked by ..... it just sort of called my name and I thought I'll waste $100 it's the last night ..... WooHoo .... so anyone out there .... if you get that "feeling" .... you might wanna think about taking the chance .... don't go crazy now .... I don't want to be the cause of anyone going bankrupt because of my comment!
So back to reality .... I started back to Pilates today ... I forgot how much I really do love doing it ... and the fact that it's good for you makes it all the better .....
I'm also in the process of working with the High School and the Elementary school to help 2 of my children .... one has ADD and one has ADHD .... it is a very frustrating problem but I really feel like I'm getting somewhere .... I'll be writing about the things I'm learning because I know there are so many parents out there dealing with this .... I know how upsetting it can be and how you feel lost in what to do .... and you also feel guitly ..... like it's your fault they have these problems .... I've got lot's to say about this so be on the look out in the next few days ....
Til Then ..... Keep Smiling ....
~joie
First off ... going back to GA and getting to see some of my old friends family and neighbors was great. It really made me wish we lived closer. Our family (all 6 of us) went down for the wedding a day early so the boys could see their old friends and they ended up spending the night at my very dear friends house. I really miss getting to just sit and talk with her over a cup of coffee. We also went to our old neighborhood and got to see my Beth (my neighbor across the street). Sitting in her living room was just like I had never left. You know you have true friends when no matter how long it is in between visits it feels like you never left.
Anyway ... on to the wedding .... I don't really have any real pictures to share right now because our entire family (yes all 6) were in the wedding party .... But she had a beautiful location up in the North Georgia mountains at a place called Sutton Mill ..... so pretty .... even though there was light rain and her wedding was supposed to be outside ... we ended up under a pavilion ... so we still got the outside feeling ..... so now she's married ....smile
Then ... we got home on Sunday and my husband and I turned around and left Wednesday and went to VEGAS BABY!! Awesome .... from start to finish .... well ... there was one little thing .... my son Tulsa (16) .... the day after we left had his wallet, I-phone and car keys stolen at school ... so we had to coordinate ... quite successfully I might add .... between the school the police and my mother-in-law (who was watching the children for us) ..... to find his things .... since it was wallet and keys the person know had our address and the keys to the car and could take it at any time ... seems far fetched ... not really ..... anyway .... we had just about 3 weeks before subscribed to the Mobile Me service from Apple. It can locate the phone through GPS and even wipe all info off the phone and Lock it so the person can't use it. AWESOME!!!!! is all I have o say ...... the police officer was actually able to go on line ... (since we were in Las Vegas) and find the house and arrest the kid and got Tulsa's stuff back ... all that was gone was about $20 cash. I highly recommend this service!!!!!
ANway .... I also had the excitement of hitting on the Deal or No Deal slot machine for $1535 ... I didn't even realize I had won that much ... I thought it was $307 but it was 307 credits .... and just on a whim .... since it was out last night there .... I decided to play the $5 Deal or No Deal slot that I walked by ..... it just sort of called my name and I thought I'll waste $100 it's the last night ..... WooHoo .... so anyone out there .... if you get that "feeling" .... you might wanna think about taking the chance .... don't go crazy now .... I don't want to be the cause of anyone going bankrupt because of my comment!
So back to reality .... I started back to Pilates today ... I forgot how much I really do love doing it ... and the fact that it's good for you makes it all the better .....
I'm also in the process of working with the High School and the Elementary school to help 2 of my children .... one has ADD and one has ADHD .... it is a very frustrating problem but I really feel like I'm getting somewhere .... I'll be writing about the things I'm learning because I know there are so many parents out there dealing with this .... I know how upsetting it can be and how you feel lost in what to do .... and you also feel guitly ..... like it's your fault they have these problems .... I've got lot's to say about this so be on the look out in the next few days ....
Til Then ..... Keep Smiling ....
~joie
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
I haven't written for a while .... alot is going on in my world .... everyday .... and sometimes it just bubbles up and I feel like I'm drowning. Right now all of my children have "issues" .... I feel like I'm standing in the middle of my kitchen and the room is spinning around me. It's not that any of it is "earth shattering" but when you have 4 different problems to try and solve or help your children with and then throw in a sister-in-law getting married ... in another state .... and you and your husband and all 4 of your children are part of the actual wedding party... and you have to get everyone organized in the middle of trying to run your everyday life ..... well like I said ... you feel like you are drowning .....
I am sort of feeling inadequate. I would like to take one problem at a time and set all the others off to the side but that's not how life works ..... children don't "wait" well .... and to be honest ... I don't do well with them waiting .... I worry about them and then it makes fixing any problems harder .... am I making any sense?
I am hoping that just writing this here will help to clear out my head. Really I'd like to crawl back in bed and sleep for about 10 hours .... but....
Okay ... video for sister-in-law's wedding ..... I have about 150 picutes to scan in and then make a slideshow for her wedding reception ..... so ... I'm starting there .... I'll be back later when I have something else to get off my mind ..... wish me luck!
~joie
I am sort of feeling inadequate. I would like to take one problem at a time and set all the others off to the side but that's not how life works ..... children don't "wait" well .... and to be honest ... I don't do well with them waiting .... I worry about them and then it makes fixing any problems harder .... am I making any sense?
I am hoping that just writing this here will help to clear out my head. Really I'd like to crawl back in bed and sleep for about 10 hours .... but....
Okay ... video for sister-in-law's wedding ..... I have about 150 picutes to scan in and then make a slideshow for her wedding reception ..... so ... I'm starting there .... I'll be back later when I have something else to get off my mind ..... wish me luck!
~joie
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