Can you take "too good of care" of your kids ...

I've been thinking alot lately about the fact my sons are all growing up ......

Some of the things you teach your children are by "doing" actually most things are.  One would think by doing things for your children that you are showing them how to behave as an adult.

Things like helping when you see they might need it ... even if they don't ask ...... making their favorite meal if they are sick or sad ..... "sliding them money" for something special they want .... Smiling .... being happy to see them ..... telling them they are good at something ..... encouraging to "go for their dreams" .....

and by doing those things you would think they would do the same things for others ..... hmmmm

Most days I think that they take me for granted ... like "she's mom ... she is supposed to do all those things for us"

Have I made my job look so easy that they don't every think that I or their father ever need anything?  Because if I ask for them to start doing some of their own things or to help more with the house we ALL live in .... it seems an inconvenience.  Sort of like "that's your job ... not mine"

Granted they are nice on Mother's day or my birthday or  Christmas ... I'd rather they not be thoughtful on those three days if they aren't going to be the other 362 days a year.

I just think I've done tooooo much and they don't understand it's time to pick up and be responsible for their selves a bit more ...... god knows they want to make every other decision on their own and want you to "but out" and let them be "grown" .....

So .... I am very frustrated sitting here writing this .... feeling guilty for wanting to stop doing things for them and angry at the same time for keeping on doing them when they seem to EXPECT that I do it ..... or they say they will do it and never do .....

That's what I'm pondering .....
~joie

Rant .....

Everyday I start out with thoughts and ideas about what today will be about.  And I move along through the day with a basic idea of what needs to be done ...... mostly I get the things done I need to. I feel a general sense of having accomplished a few goals ..... and I'm always thinking of ways that things might run smoother .... or get more done...... you know hopes ideas dream ..... things that you can act on to make happen ...... but it seems like children don't want to make those dreams come true .... if it involves a little HARD work .....that is .... 

Lately I've been having a really hard time tryng to manage 4 individual personalities .... my sons.  If I look at their unique personalities I think what great, funny, cool kids they are and how lucky I am that they are healthy and happy....  other than the usual teenage angst.  But when I watch their total disconnect for the world around them and their lack of respect for so many things that are supremely important in helping them become successful adults, I ask myself "what have I not done or neglected to do that allows them to not care?"

I'm not trying to say that my children are somehow "incapable" of understand what they need to do to be successful.  They just don't seem to put forth the effort it takes to be their best .... or even almost their best.  They say "school is gay" (I hate the phrase), the teachers are  stupid, why do I have to learn this anyway ...... you get the picture ....

Why do most kids have this feeling about school???? You know if a small child is interested in something they are almost obsessive about it to the point they drive you crazy.  So what is it that doesn't allow them that feeling for atleast some parts of school ..... and if it is there I never hear it from them.  It's only the negative part I hear.

I truly feel like I am banging my head against a wall .... and I'll go so far as to say that they are there watching me do it and it doesn't seem to bother them in the least that their mother is so overcome with anxiety and worry for their future.  I guess they have taken on the "parents are idiots they don't understand" .... but all the while they want you to ablige their every whim ...... "mom can you take me here .... can I have blah blah" ....... you know what I mean.

Anyway .... this is a rant with no real ending .... I know .... I just had to put it out there in the land of the "world wide web' ..... knowing that someone will read it and that maybe they know exactly how i feel .... because we all hope that someone can understand how we feel .... so we don't feel so alone in our chaos ....


Sorry it's been so long .... thanks for still being there when I needed you .... smile

A Bit of Poetry .....

So I also have written poetry all my life and thought I'd throw some stuff up here .... any feed back is appreciated ..... I've always wanted to put the poems I actually have written down or can remember into a book ... so this is close enough ....  hope you like them .... 

Between Trust and Love
Stupidity Stupidity ..... Stupidity and me ....
I'm drowning in a sea
A sea of deceit
An ocean of lies and each day that passes
I'm dying inside
As I listen to words that pass over lips
Wanting to believe it's all true ....
........ then he slips ........
Do people ever change?
Do they say what they mean?
Why not tell the truth?
Why keep hidden ..... if not seen?
Giving of heart of trust and of love
Praying .... don't let it happen again
Taking that chance to let a heart mend
Once again torn apart .....
Torn apart in the end.
Stupidity stupidity ...... Stupidity and ME.
Stupidity .... stupidity .... Stupidity set me Free.
~joie

So I'm back .... Let's catch up ....

Well it has been an eventful last month .... I have been to my sister-in-law's wedding in GA .... and then to Las Vegas with my wonderful husband.  I then came home and got some sort of "flu-ish" sickness.

First off  ... going back to GA and getting to see some of my old friends family and neighbors was great.  It really made me wish we lived closer.  Our family (all 6 of us) went down for the wedding a day early so the boys could see their old friends and they ended up spending the night at my very dear friends house.  I really miss getting to just sit and talk with her over a cup of coffee.  We also went to our old neighborhood and got to see my Beth (my neighbor across the street).  Sitting in her living room was just like I had never left.  You know you have true friends when no matter how long it is in between visits it feels like you never left.

Anyway ... on to the wedding .... I don't really have any real pictures to share right now because our entire family (yes all 6) were in the wedding party .... But she had  a beautiful location up in the North Georgia mountains at a place called Sutton Mill ..... so pretty .... even though there was light rain and her wedding was supposed to be outside ... we ended up under a pavilion ... so we still got the outside feeling ..... so now she's married ....smile

Then ... we got home on Sunday and my husband and I turned around and left Wednesday and went to VEGAS BABY!! Awesome .... from start to finish .... well ... there was one little thing .... my son Tulsa (16) .... the day after we left had his wallet, I-phone and car keys stolen at school ... so we had to coordinate ... quite successfully I might add .... between the school the police and my mother-in-law (who was watching the children for us) ..... to find his things .... since it was wallet and keys the person know had our address and the keys to the car and could take it at any time ... seems far fetched ... not really ..... anyway .... we had just about 3 weeks before subscribed to the Mobile Me service from Apple.  It can locate the phone through GPS and even wipe all info off the phone and Lock it so the person can't use it.  AWESOME!!!!! is all I have o say ...... the police officer was actually able to go on line ... (since we were in Las Vegas) and find the house and arrest the kid and got Tulsa's stuff back ... all that was gone was about $20 cash.   I highly recommend this service!!!!!

ANway .... I also had the excitement of hitting on the Deal or No Deal slot machine for $1535 ... I didn't even realize I had won that much ... I thought it was $307 but it was 307 credits .... and just on a whim .... since it was out last night there .... I decided to play the $5 Deal or No Deal slot that I walked by ..... it just sort of called my name and I thought I'll waste $100 it's the last night ..... WooHoo .... so anyone out there .... if you get that "feeling" .... you might wanna think about taking the chance .... don't go crazy now .... I don't want to be the cause of anyone going bankrupt because of my comment!

So back to reality .... I started back to Pilates today ... I forgot how much I really do love doing it ... and the fact that it's good for you makes it all the better .....

I'm also in the process of working with the High School and the Elementary school to help 2 of my children .... one has ADD and one has ADHD .... it is a very frustrating problem but I really feel like I'm getting somewhere .... I'll be writing about the things I'm learning because I know there are so many parents out there dealing with this .... I know how upsetting it can be and how you feel lost in what to do .... and you also feel guitly ..... like it's your fault they have these problems .... I've got lot's to say about this so be on the look out in the next few days ....

Til Then ..... Keep Smiling ....
~joie

I haven't written for a while .... alot is going on in my world .... everyday .... and sometimes it just bubbles up and I feel like I'm drowning.  Right now all of my children have "issues" .... I feel like I'm standing in the middle of my kitchen and the room is spinning around me.  It's not that any of it is "earth shattering" but when you have 4 different problems to try and solve or help your children with  and then throw in a sister-in-law getting married ... in another state .... and you and your husband and all 4 of your children are part of the actual wedding party... and you have to get everyone organized in the middle of trying to run your everyday life  ..... well like I said ... you feel like you are drowning .....

I am sort of feeling inadequate.  I would like to take one problem at a time and set all the others off to the side but that's not how life works ..... children don't "wait" well .... and to be honest ... I don't do well with them waiting .... I worry about them and then it makes fixing any problems harder .... am I making any sense?

I am hoping that just writing this here will help to clear out my head.  Really I'd like to crawl back in bed and sleep for about 10 hours .... but....

Okay ... video for sister-in-law's wedding ..... I have about 150 picutes to scan in and then make a slideshow for her wedding reception ..... so ... I'm starting there .... I'll be back later when I have something else to get off my mind ..... wish me luck!

~joie

Feeling sickly ....

Hello world ..... just wanted to let you know that I'm alive .... barely ..... I have some strange combination of sicknesses ..... It's probably H1N1 .... who knows .....

But isn't it true that we all believe we have something once we've heard about that illness on TV.  You can talk yourself into all the symptoms.  I've gone to the H1N1 website atleast 3 times and re-read the signs and symptoms and then the "what to do's".  Admit it ... I just did ..... we are all pretty paranoid when left by ourselves and the internet.  I have searched all kinds of crazy stuff.  I remember the time that one of my boys (I'll leave his name out so he won't flip out) ... had ... and I'm Not Joking ..... florescent green poop when he was a toddler.  It kept on for several days ... now the internet wasn't quite as big a deal 15 or so years ago .... so it took me a few days to think of looking it up.  Finally  I thought I'd  just type in the words "florescent green poop" ...... You would not believe how many things came up ...... and many of them you don't want to know ..... but there it was .... some mom's posting on some medical web site ..... Purple Koolaid!  I could not believe someone had thought "... you know what ... I'm going to post about why my childs poop is florescent green"

Strange but true ..... the internet is also great for "how to's".  I've been room mother for all of my 4 children at some point in their lives and I can't tell you how many nights I've sat up searching for age appropriate crafts and games.  Oh ... and clip art for all those cute little flyers that you send home with the children .... I did our Elementary Schools newspaper and directory too.  I'd go on and search for interesting tidbits of information or "fun kid facts" or maybe riddles to fill in the newspaper so the kids ...and the parents for that fact .... would be more apt to read it ....

That thought brings me to another observation .... why does there always have to be a gimmick.  I can get sucked into something if there is a "special reward" or something.  Like all those deals at the grocery stores right now.  I scour the wednesday paper because it has all the flyers for the upcoming week's sales.  Like right now .... at Jewel ... if you buy in sets of 10 you can get boxes of pop-tarts  for $1.50 each ... and then if you do coupons to make it even less .... or those deals where if you spend a certain amount of like Kraft foods or Proctor & Gamble ... then you get a coupon at the end for $5 or $10 or more occasionally .... off your next visit.....

Okay you get the picture ... I'm cutting this short ... my brain and eyes and nose ....and throat .... all hurt ..... we'll chat more later .....
~joie

Our Throw Away World....

Have you ever really sat down and thought about all the absolute waste we have in our everyday lives.  I was cleaing out my cabinets being annoyed by how many empty cardboard containers my family leaves there.  So when you are looking for things you are out of before going to the store you don't know that you are really out.  Well this is why I picked this topic today ......

So I make lunch and I go to get crackers ..... EMPTY box ..... I go to get a soda in the frig .... EMPTY 12pack container ..... Want cereal .... get it in the bowl .... TWO DROPS of milk left in the gallon .... does anyone else feel my pain?? 

So as I'm throwing out the empty containers .... and walking through the house ....cleaning up after the children .... (as you'll remember from my earlier rants)  who must have some mental defect that does not allow them to return dishes and trash to their rightful place.  Reverse alzheimer's maybe .... we will hope they are cured by adulthood or else we'll be caring for the for the rest of their lives .....

Anyway .... so have you really looked at the things that we are throwing away on a daily basis.  I have to pour out on average 1/2 of all the soda cans that the kids (and my husband is guilty of this too) leave sitting around all over.  Then there is the food I cook ... and I admit I don't cook alot anymore ... because my children are not home enough to eat a real dinner .... they want to run in and grab something quick.  If I have cooked dinner .... inevitably they come and and say they've gotten something out or they've eaten at someone else's house .... (note to self : I've got to do a post on cooking and food ... so many stories to delve into there) ..... So there I sit .... putting food into containers to be lost in the back of the frig never to be found again .... well that is until about a month later and you ignore the container on purpose because you don't want to have to open it and look to see what it used to be.  I have 3 of these containers in the refrigerator as I'm typing this.  Yes, I will throw it out ..... probably the bowls and all ..... thank goodness for those reusable containers that come with the Hillshire Farms deli meats ...... sorry .... digression has occurred...... back on subject...

So .... other things I throw out .... SOCKS! .... my children think that socks are disposable ... they run around out side with only socks on (yes they are clothed ... geez... I'm not THAT out of control) .... I have no idea why they do this and I can't get them to stop either.  So the end result is all their socks get holes worn in them with great efficiency.  The people at Zumiez (a teenage clothes & skateboard shop) know me I'm sure by the name "that sock lady".  I go in there about once every other month and buy about 20 pairs of socks.  Remember I have 4 sons, and all of their friends .... who make frequent trips to our friendly "sock basket" that sits in my kitchen area along with Never Ending piles of clean clothes ..... yes ... I'm admitting it .... This would be another topic of discussion .... LAUNDRY! ..... I could also discuss underwear sharing too ... but I'll spare you details on that .....

Next .... broken everything ...... by this I mean .... the COUNTLESS number of toys .... board games .... stuffed animals.... electronics devices .... video game discs .... all of these that are no longer usable because either pieces are missing, parts are broken or discs have been scratched to the point that they no longer play.  How is it these things we pay slews of money for break but the stick from the yard with blue painters tape wrapped around it will be in our house for eternity for me to pick up and sit back out in the garage only to see it on my kitchen counter again the next day.  Oh, and never throw it away or there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth the likes of if you  had you thrown the puppy away.

I have one more word for you JUNK MAIL .... okay so that was two .... I can't tell you how much mail, magazines .... paper advertisements, new papers .... I throw out.  It's insane to me in the economic times we live in that businesses would not cut back on the absolute waste of paper that these bulk mail things produce.  I don't even open most of them anymore.  Occasionally, the advertisers will get sneaky and make it look all "official" and you open it to realize it's a sales pitch ... I wonder if the companies know when they do that it just irritates us more and we surely won't use their services after being "duped".

Governement waste ..... gee ... yep it's ridiculous .... but waste in our own lives everyday .... we give them a run for their money if you adjust for the size  ...... wish I had an answer .... but atleast maybe now we will start thinking  about it when we are throwing things out or making superflous purchases .... or maybe not .... we are all creatures of habit ..... it's hard to change ....

It's been fun.... see you later!
~joie