Rant .....

Everyday I start out with thoughts and ideas about what today will be about.  And I move along through the day with a basic idea of what needs to be done ...... mostly I get the things done I need to. I feel a general sense of having accomplished a few goals ..... and I'm always thinking of ways that things might run smoother .... or get more done...... you know hopes ideas dream ..... things that you can act on to make happen ...... but it seems like children don't want to make those dreams come true .... if it involves a little HARD work .....that is .... 

Lately I've been having a really hard time tryng to manage 4 individual personalities .... my sons.  If I look at their unique personalities I think what great, funny, cool kids they are and how lucky I am that they are healthy and happy....  other than the usual teenage angst.  But when I watch their total disconnect for the world around them and their lack of respect for so many things that are supremely important in helping them become successful adults, I ask myself "what have I not done or neglected to do that allows them to not care?"

I'm not trying to say that my children are somehow "incapable" of understand what they need to do to be successful.  They just don't seem to put forth the effort it takes to be their best .... or even almost their best.  They say "school is gay" (I hate the phrase), the teachers are  stupid, why do I have to learn this anyway ...... you get the picture ....

Why do most kids have this feeling about school???? You know if a small child is interested in something they are almost obsessive about it to the point they drive you crazy.  So what is it that doesn't allow them that feeling for atleast some parts of school ..... and if it is there I never hear it from them.  It's only the negative part I hear.

I truly feel like I am banging my head against a wall .... and I'll go so far as to say that they are there watching me do it and it doesn't seem to bother them in the least that their mother is so overcome with anxiety and worry for their future.  I guess they have taken on the "parents are idiots they don't understand" .... but all the while they want you to ablige their every whim ...... "mom can you take me here .... can I have blah blah" ....... you know what I mean.

Anyway .... this is a rant with no real ending .... I know .... I just had to put it out there in the land of the "world wide web' ..... knowing that someone will read it and that maybe they know exactly how i feel .... because we all hope that someone can understand how we feel .... so we don't feel so alone in our chaos ....


Sorry it's been so long .... thanks for still being there when I needed you .... smile